hi love

 

 

you can never stop loving anyone that has come into your life.

you can still feel them and feel the love towards them.

If you don;t then, you don;t really love them.

that love transpire and emerge from the Source. it is eternal and endless.
As strong and hard and as soft and malleable as before

it just changes its form
and weakens over time,

once connect will always be connected forever.

you hate to see them because you hate that you can;t be with that person you cared so belovedly.

can;t caress their hair, kiss their cheek and put your head on their shoulders once more.

You are sad not loveless.

hopefully yes.
hopefully you feel this too

because then you know that you are activated.
you are the love that you seek for this long time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love,
love

What do we (humans) do?

It's both eat and being eaten in the nature world if we consider the natural cycle of life.

But we, human, have the privilege of expanding our longevity.

Jika sebagai satwa atau tumbuhan, apakah kita bisa seprivilege manusia untuk melanggengkan hidupnya? Masih bisa berusaha dan mematok untuk hidup 80-100 tahun, bahagia, sehat, kaya.

Tanpa khawatir ada predator.  Namun ternyata yang menjadi predator adalah sistem buatan kita sendiri.

Survive tidak survivenya manusia jadi memiliki banyak faktor selain seperti di dunia spesies lain. Dimana mereka bisa punah karena ancaman predator atau lingkungan.

Jadi apa yg kita lakukan dengan privilege of longevity ini? 

Apakah kita mau mepercepat 'kiamat' dengan mendukung destruksi lebih cepat,  atau kita mau menuju hidup yg lebih menghidupkan dan menguntungkan tidak hanya spesies kita tapi banyak spesies lainnya.  

 Do we choose the regenerative way or the selfish way?

Love?

I fell in love once,  twice and maybe couple of times.

Dreamy song got me smiled remembering him,  try to fit the lyric into what (might likely)  he does just like in the songs.

I remembered and reminisce.
Oh those times, his (supposedly) presence,  attitudes and the delicate mystery mist he was surrounded with.
I smiled. Letting myself swayed by the song.

Then suddenly.
Pop.

It is his IMAGE that i fell in love with, i made him out of my tiny pieces of information that i gathered and carefully yet unknownly sew by myself.

With my desired thread,  accesory etc.

But is it really him?
Is it really HIS Presence (his Essence i believe so,  because all of Everyone's Essence came from Mighty Alhighest One so I will easily fell in love with  that. No doubt)  ha

Ah love,
Can i belive in you.
Oh heart dear stumbling heart.
Can I trust you to love again?

Or was it my mental unwellness tbhat kicked in and dominating my common sense.

Oh Heart dear Heart may you always choose the best,  the kindest,  the most handsomest,  the most lovely smelling One.

The beautiful and wise Ones and may they choose me too. Together. At the same time and dimension :)

Love?
Yeah i guess

-mostly head but heart is still in head's side though not dominant-

Hehe

Bismillah

 Letting go of the delusions.

And trying a little harder to work and be.

I continue on living.

It has been several attempts and thinking about ending my life.

The reason is i feel inadequate and just not enough, mostly after seeing other people's life on social media.

A feeling of being left.
Alone and underachieved.

I guess, it is important to not always look at others.
To really understand, what we need and what we can do.
Irregardless of what others achieve and have.

Let go of the self

Can we be excluded by title.
Can we just introduce ourself as name and just be.

Heck can we just be without anything.
Present.

When you've been through depression and losing sense of everything, sense of self, sense of the self.

Social media is still hecking what the fuck for me.

Public display of action.
Can we just be happy with nothing.
Simple things.

Demolish everything. My whole image.
Public display of nothingness.

https://youtu.be/pvgfucVF5cU

Welcome to public display of nothingness

It may or may not contain a thing.
This is the place where you're stripped down to place where you're just a self, a being.

Without any agenda or title.
Where you're just you.
Not even a name, not even an adjective to describe.

Can we be okay to introduce ourself without bagage.

Where it's okay if you're lost or found.
Welcome home :)

What if

I remembered a quote which implied whether "what if" is delusionally haunting.

but I'm not sure in this case.

this what if is hopefully closer to ephiphany.

What if I don't want anything in life?

What if life is just like playing in a big all-you-can-get-if-you-try-hard in a nick of time.

Next thing we know, we've already reached a point in life where the past seems just feel like a brief moment.

What makes human wants something?

like something?

what makes us tick?

why do we compare?

what is the right and best way to live?

what are we scared of?

I've heard if we asked to much it will trap us in a spiral where these questions are endless and answerless.

everything feel so bland.

why do we have lots of possession?

to be continued...